1/8/2026
end of my hiatus//
teaching artist at accredited museum still living paycheck to paycheck off food stamps
Happy new year everybody
a couple days ago on my way to work i saw a dude pounding someone in public
i was literally cruising on my bike and on my way down the street i saw a dude posted in front of the passenger seat of his car gripping above his window. i was like Why is he doing that and then i saw that he was serving crazy backshots to someone inside his car and i did a double take i was too stunned to speak . so i continued to ride down the rest of the block processing wtf i even just saw and i pulled up at the red light then the car next to me also stopped. so i glance into the driver window like Did you just see that?? and the dude in front is an old ass chinese dude he looks back at me like ??? no words were exchanged just looks were enough.
this was 9:45 in the morning on a Monday btw
nothing really feels like it can be absurd anymore actually and i think that’s just how life is now and also how this whole past year has sort of felt like. i think every american is gaslighting themselves that this is our reality. the social contract is dead
i feel like i’m starting to get my footing now though. but im ngl it takes time to focus on your art when you have to juggle multiple jobs and work 6 days a week
i graduated from the school of visual arts around a year and a half ago.
when you spend 4-5 years surrounded by a bunch of rich kids and people that grew up in the fucking suburbs in private school you maybe start to believe that their reality can be your reality too. just by proxy of existing in their space and the way that they move and their lack of needing to put in effort and the security they have from their wealth.
not that it wasn’t already a slap in the face to go from a brooklyn public school w metal detectors to a private institution in manhattan. then when you leave and you’re back to what you started with it hits even harder that your reality was never the same as any of these people and none of them grew up the way that you did. but it’s a bit odd when you now realize all the people you graduated with are the ones gentrifying your home now.
having my art studio off the L train may slowly be driving me insane. having the creative sector of nyc be filled with all these people and being the outlier also is driving me insane but it’s all good i spent 4 years learning how to maneuver how these people live their lives
i feel like a chameleon when i code switch
trying to pursue an art career when your government is collapsing and turning fascist and your friends are receiving ice court hearings is actually kind of really fucking stupid
i’m gonna do me regardless though
i take pride in what i do educating children and all the art therapy esque workshops because i feel like i am actually contributing something to the benefit of society. even more in that i didn’t career shift towards graphic design or advertising or dropshipping plastic anime keychains with chinese child labor the way that a lot of other art school graduates do
my work is for the public and i get to serve children with similar circumstances to my own when i was growing up here in my own community. i don’t believe in working for profit i work because i want to feel like i’m contributing to something that actually aids society. my art is figurative because i believe that it should be accessible to everyone.
i love these damn kids so much even when they were throwing shoes at me and one of them called me big back
the only thing that sucks about this though is that the american government doesnt actually fw that at all and my main job is a federally funded non-for-profit LOL
so yes i am poor. but a lot of the most talented people that i know are currently working retail or food service. our industries don’t exist the same way they used to 5 years ago.
i have to be proud of what i do and have some sort of complex about it that’s the only thing i can tell myself to keep myself going otherwise it’ll all fall apart. i’m proud to have come from a working class union family and that i had nobody to help me but myself and that i can support myself independently and that i achieved what i have on my own through my own effort, no nepotism or hand outs at all. even if all i earn from working my ass off is the security of my own independence and having a roof over my head. i’ve learned to tell myself it’s not a personal shortcoming but a larger structural problem i was born into with circumstances outside of my control
so yea yet again i’m doing me regardless
but i still think i was able to get a lot done with all the insane soap opera ass circumstances of my personal life i had to work through in 2025. still made a lot of art
i have a real perfectionism problem it’s why i’ve finished a lot of paintings and illustrations this past year but have a huge backlog of stuff i haven’t posted. i literally still have a comic from 2 years ago that isn’t online and my comic i published this year that isn’t either... if you copped one irl shoutout to you . but my goal this year is to be better about my executive dysfunction and start releasing the mei files to the public
tbh though instagram just fucking sucks. web 3.0 just fucking sucks. using it makes me depressed it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to have to share your personal life and become an influencer to build your career as an artist and i just am not built for that. i don’t think we were meant to idolize each other and i value my privacy. it’s feeding into everyones egos in an extremely dangerous way but it’s the social framework of how people my age interact with each other it’s hard to not participate but it feels like a rigged game i never wanted to play in the first place. i miss the old internet i hate living in the lamest cyberpunk dystopian future ever
being mean to everyone and acting like you’re cooler than them and the nonchalant epidemic is also some nyc bs fr fr but ts just makes it worse
and also it’s addictive af i never caved into tiktok bc i knew it would be like crack for me but my ig reels are so good i cannot even lie.. that’s why i’m starting a blog and sharing my thoughts with you all here.. in a long form format, not a tweet under 280 characters
i have a lot to say still. maybe i’ll start a substack and become a pretentious piece of shit for real i think that writing is quite fun. but that’s it for now
look out for me sharing some new paintings and illustrations soon. might bring the online store back and finally put those comics up so you . i have a lot of fun things i’m working on i’m writing it here so that i’m forced to actually live up to it and work past my anxiety to share
but if you stuck around to read this whole thing you are real, thank you for your time.. thank you to everyone who pulled up to support me and jay irl this year please continue to stick around
ending with cool list of some of the stuff that happened in my life in 2025:
-got diagnosed with ADHD for the first time at 23. that one was a pretty big deal. life changing even
-quit smoking cigarettes for real this time. i’m at 6 months : )
-went to toronto for the first time (did TCAF)
-went to chicago for the first time.. then a second time
-finished 5 paintings
-learned a better work life balance
-published a comic and an artbook
-ended another unhealthy relationship (that’s what the comic is about lol)
-had to stop taking my gummy vitamins because i learned i was allergic
-got my heart broken twice but we still ball
-moved out on my own. Huge because it means i:
-stopped sleeping on the couch in a warehouse 3 days out of the week and giving myself fucking wet wipe showers
-got to keep my art studio when i thought i was going to lose it. shoutout elias and ashley
-finally got to see bktherula live (only asian woman at the opium event)
-started 2 new jobs
-lowkey highkey survived medical malpractice
-survived another event that I’ll probably end up making more art about again too
-took out my eyebrow piercing RIP
-went to a wedding for the first time in my life lol shoutout anne and matt
happy 2026 guys
a couple days ago on my way to work i saw a dude pounding someone in public
i was literally cruising on my bike and on my way down the street i saw a dude posted in front of the passenger seat of his car gripping above his window. i was like Why is he doing that and then i saw that he was serving crazy backshots to someone inside his car and i did a double take i was too stunned to speak . so i continued to ride down the rest of the block processing wtf i even just saw and i pulled up at the red light then the car next to me also stopped. so i glance into the driver window like Did you just see that?? and the dude in front is an old ass chinese dude he looks back at me like ??? no words were exchanged just looks were enough.
this was 9:45 in the morning on a Monday btw
nothing really feels like it can be absurd anymore actually and i think that’s just how life is now and also how this whole past year has sort of felt like. i think every american is gaslighting themselves that this is our reality. the social contract is dead
i feel like i’m starting to get my footing now though. but im ngl it takes time to focus on your art when you have to juggle multiple jobs and work 6 days a week
i graduated from the school of visual arts around a year and a half ago.
when you spend 4-5 years surrounded by a bunch of rich kids and people that grew up in the fucking suburbs in private school you maybe start to believe that their reality can be your reality too. just by proxy of existing in their space and the way that they move and their lack of needing to put in effort and the security they have from their wealth.
not that it wasn’t already a slap in the face to go from a brooklyn public school w metal detectors to a private institution in manhattan. then when you leave and you’re back to what you started with it hits even harder that your reality was never the same as any of these people and none of them grew up the way that you did. but it’s a bit odd when you now realize all the people you graduated with are the ones gentrifying your home now.
having my art studio off the L train may slowly be driving me insane. having the creative sector of nyc be filled with all these people and being the outlier also is driving me insane but it’s all good i spent 4 years learning how to maneuver how these people live their lives
i feel like a chameleon when i code switch
trying to pursue an art career when your government is collapsing and turning fascist and your friends are receiving ice court hearings is actually kind of really fucking stupid
i’m gonna do me regardless though
i take pride in what i do educating children and all the art therapy esque workshops because i feel like i am actually contributing something to the benefit of society. even more in that i didn’t career shift towards graphic design or advertising or dropshipping plastic anime keychains with chinese child labor the way that a lot of other art school graduates do
my work is for the public and i get to serve children with similar circumstances to my own when i was growing up here in my own community. i don’t believe in working for profit i work because i want to feel like i’m contributing to something that actually aids society. my art is figurative because i believe that it should be accessible to everyone.
i love these damn kids so much even when they were throwing shoes at me and one of them called me big back
the only thing that sucks about this though is that the american government doesnt actually fw that at all and my main job is a federally funded non-for-profit LOL
so yes i am poor. but a lot of the most talented people that i know are currently working retail or food service. our industries don’t exist the same way they used to 5 years ago.
i have to be proud of what i do and have some sort of complex about it that’s the only thing i can tell myself to keep myself going otherwise it’ll all fall apart. i’m proud to have come from a working class union family and that i had nobody to help me but myself and that i can support myself independently and that i achieved what i have on my own through my own effort, no nepotism or hand outs at all. even if all i earn from working my ass off is the security of my own independence and having a roof over my head. i’ve learned to tell myself it’s not a personal shortcoming but a larger structural problem i was born into with circumstances outside of my control
so yea yet again i’m doing me regardless
but i still think i was able to get a lot done with all the insane soap opera ass circumstances of my personal life i had to work through in 2025. still made a lot of art
i have a real perfectionism problem it’s why i’ve finished a lot of paintings and illustrations this past year but have a huge backlog of stuff i haven’t posted. i literally still have a comic from 2 years ago that isn’t online and my comic i published this year that isn’t either... if you copped one irl shoutout to you . but my goal this year is to be better about my executive dysfunction and start releasing the mei files to the public
tbh though instagram just fucking sucks. web 3.0 just fucking sucks. using it makes me depressed it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to have to share your personal life and become an influencer to build your career as an artist and i just am not built for that. i don’t think we were meant to idolize each other and i value my privacy. it’s feeding into everyones egos in an extremely dangerous way but it’s the social framework of how people my age interact with each other it’s hard to not participate but it feels like a rigged game i never wanted to play in the first place. i miss the old internet i hate living in the lamest cyberpunk dystopian future ever
being mean to everyone and acting like you’re cooler than them and the nonchalant epidemic is also some nyc bs fr fr but ts just makes it worse
and also it’s addictive af i never caved into tiktok bc i knew it would be like crack for me but my ig reels are so good i cannot even lie.. that’s why i’m starting a blog and sharing my thoughts with you all here.. in a long form format, not a tweet under 280 characters
i have a lot to say still. maybe i’ll start a substack and become a pretentious piece of shit for real i think that writing is quite fun. but that’s it for now
look out for me sharing some new paintings and illustrations soon. might bring the online store back and finally put those comics up so you . i have a lot of fun things i’m working on i’m writing it here so that i’m forced to actually live up to it and work past my anxiety to share
but if you stuck around to read this whole thing you are real, thank you for your time.. thank you to everyone who pulled up to support me and jay irl this year please continue to stick around
ending with cool list of some of the stuff that happened in my life in 2025:
-got diagnosed with ADHD for the first time at 23. that one was a pretty big deal. life changing even
-quit smoking cigarettes for real this time. i’m at 6 months : )
-went to toronto for the first time (did TCAF)
-went to chicago for the first time.. then a second time
-finished 5 paintings
-learned a better work life balance
-published a comic and an artbook
-ended another unhealthy relationship (that’s what the comic is about lol)
-had to stop taking my gummy vitamins because i learned i was allergic
-got my heart broken twice but we still ball
-moved out on my own. Huge because it means i:
-stopped sleeping on the couch in a warehouse 3 days out of the week and giving myself fucking wet wipe showers
-got to keep my art studio when i thought i was going to lose it. shoutout elias and ashley
-finally got to see bktherula live (only asian woman at the opium event)
-started 2 new jobs
-lowkey highkey survived medical malpractice
-survived another event that I’ll probably end up making more art about again too
-took out my eyebrow piercing RIP
-went to a wedding for the first time in my life lol shoutout anne and matt
happy 2026 guys